We Can't Outsmart Experience: We Have to Live It
We can read, study, and plan all we want, but nothing replaces actually going through a hard experience.
During my first merger and acquisition (M&A), a doctor prescribed a strong antacid to treat a developing ulcer. In my second M&A, I managed it with strong over-the-counter antacids. By my third and fourth M&As, I didn’t need any medication at all. No ulcers forming. My body had adapted because my experience level and mindset had changed. A new comfort with M&As had developed. Through experience, I grew.
Going through a difficult period is challenging, of course. But many experiences share a common thread the first time we encounter them: when you’re new, you lack the necessary context. You don’t yet have lessons to draw from. You’re absorbing new information, managing emotions, and trying to make sense of what’s happening.
My wife and I have three adult children. Both of us studied human reproduction in high school and again in college. That was useful information, but the reality of pregnancy and childbirth was far beyond textbook knowledge. It’s an entirely different level. Actually, several levels. Many business experiences are similar: you can study them, but living through them is something else entirely. A few examples:
Complying with the WARN Act and informing employees of an impending office closure feels very different when longtime colleagues are in tears in your office, compared to simply reading a checklist about compliance.
Confronting an employee about behavior or performance feels different when they’re sitting right in front of you than when you’re reading about best practices in a handbook.
If given the choice, most of us would pick the easier path to reach what we want. That’s natural. But often, we don’t get to choose the path. We just have to deal with what’s in front of us. The M&A may not have been your decision, but you still have to manage through it. Laying people off may not have been your choice, but you still have to walk through it. An employee with disruptive behavior or poor performance isn’t something you created, but you still have to face the situation. And often, doing what is required of us feels uncomfortable.
In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday uses historical examples to show how obstacles can be turned into opportunities for growth and success. When we face complex challenges, we come out the other side changed. The new wisdom benefits us and the people in our personal and professional circles. We grow by going through those difficult experiences.
Whether it’s an M&A, a growing family, or decisions that impact a company or an individual, it’s important to learn how to handle things properly. Informing ourselves matters because it prepares us to execute well. But nothing beats the experience itself. When we live through something, our hormones fire, emotions heighten, and memories stick. That lived experience is what reshapes us into someone different from who we were before. And that growth is valuable.